Rules to live by

I have a couple rules that I live by that I would never force upon anyone because they’re asinine. Anything that tastes like bubblegum has to be chewed for example. In other words, the only thing I want to put in my mouth that tastes like bubblegum is bubblegum. Bubblegum-flavored ice cream is an abomination. I feel the same way about minty things. Something minty has to be gum or an actual mint (candy canes obviously included), and the only exception to this rule is that it could also come in the form of ice cream, but that is a taste I’ve acquired. I cannot describe my disappointment when the “What Drink Are You?” quiz pegged me as a mojito. Lastly, you should never bite into a Popsicle. These are bad odd examples because they all involve either gum or frozen desserts. But still. The point is I govern my life by these tenets privately, but there are some rules that I have that seem absurd but apply to everyone.

Todd knows this.  I told him because in doing so I was saving his life. I know this is going to be one of those things that he reflects on for the rest of time, in the same way that he’s always remembering how easily the set-issued drum peddle breaks in the latest version of RockBand. On the way back to the airport at the end of our family vacation to Captiva, we stopped at a Walgreen’s because Lynda had a purchase to make that couldn’t wait. Todd asked her what she needed to buy.

Never ask a woman over 55 what she’s buying at a drug store. 

This can only end in misery. It’s taking a stroll through a mine field. I’d say 7 of 10 times the answer will be harrowing and etched in your memory if the party answers truthfully. I’ve lived my way into this realization. Sometimes I can’t remember things, like people’s faces after I’ve met them for the first time. I remember drug store lists.


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