Contact Conundrum

The following is a conundrum that I hate to admit I have pondered a couple times before:

After taking the contact out of my right eye tonight, I moved on to my left only to find, upon opening that side of the case, that the left contact was already in there. Baffling. This means that I must have stopped mid-ritual this morning and then walked around the whole day with only one contact in. And considering my vision seemed fine all day when I have an eye condition that renders me almost legally blind in the left eye when I look at things straight on without contacts, this seemed impossible.  And it had to be, because I didn’t have to make-out with my computer monitor to see it, like I do when I senselessly go to work without wearing my contacts yet would rather sacrifice my sight then wear my Tina Fey glasses.

So I fished around in my left eye just to make sure a ‘tact wasn’t hanging around in there and resigned myself to the fact that I had indeed done a really shoddy job of preparing myself to see things for the day. Until I put my glasses on. Then, while I could see out of my right eye, my vision was worse in my left. Something was wrong, and I couldn’t put my finger on it, probably because I had already done that and there wasn’t a contact in that eye. The first time I tried, at least. I fished for a contact again and found one. So then I had a left contact in my hand and in my contact case, next to the one for my right eye. So now I am at an unexplainable total of three contacts.

This is almost like the time in college when I actually wore three contacts at one time without knowing it, but this time my vision was too good for me to even think that I could have layered all of my remaining contacts into one eye. I mean stick 2 contacts in one eye once, shame on you. Stick multiple ‘tacts in one eye twice? Please. Don’t be absurd.

Anyway. This is a cold case. And I have to stop right here after reading this and note that if my mother actually read this blog instead of pretending to (I showed her my first post and she sat next to me reading the first two paragraphs for 10 minutes until I had to interrupt her concentration to ask her if she was ready for me to scroll down), she would probably say I should write about things that were a little less self-deprecating, because people who don’t know me might think I am seriously this idiotic. And this is mom code. She’s not talking about strangers, she’s talking about potential spouses. People who would read this and leave me to die a spinster. But I have news for her. People who don’t know me don’t read this blog. And, as she has so aptly proven, neither do people who do know me. But as a precaution, I will check the blog history on every iPhone that comes my way the next time all my suitors come to court. Then we’ll determine how worthless my dowry is.

But the point is this happened, so I am writing it down. I am spitting the truth, if for no other reason to prove that it is true what they say: like fine wines, people only get better with age. I did not put two contacts in the same eye this time because I learn from my mistakes, I’d say about 80% of the time. The only plausible explanation here is that one of my roommates is using my contact case for their left eye only.

Case closed.


One Response to “Contact Conundrum”

  1. jburgomaster Says:

    i want to comment. but there are no words. your roommates PISS ME OFF

    jk – i hope your eyes are ok.

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