Math Update: The Ides of January

This morning I went into the bathroom and my toothbrush was wet and I hadn’t used it. And considering the previously presented evidence (that being that I didn’t use it last night, either, because I was busy using someone else’s, so it shouldn’t have been wet anyway) I believe this validates my rant about the rash of hygiene crimes going on in the apartment. If I was in law school, like I obviously should be based on my ability to see straight through crime and make the right case every time, I wouldn’t even be home enough to use a toothbrush and maybe would be better off for it.

Point is, I had to gargle Listerine and wait to come to work to use my work toothbrush, (which I also had to replace recently because of pneumonia), and to my complete surprise, have arrived to find that not a single one of my dwindling number of coworkers has taken the liberty of opening my desk drawer and using it themselves. And I am glad, because at this rate, if that were the case, I’d probably just walk straight into traffic on 6th Ave.

And, now that I’ve had a night to subconsciously mull this over in my head, I can’t believe I didn’t see this whole thing coming. It’s one of those things that seems so obvious looking back. I have a Duane Reade in my office building. I don’t even have to go outside to get there, and the toothbrushes are right inside the door. My mom keeps giving me toothbrushes for free and I doubt my sister has received a single charity brush (but I think that has to do with pity), and in my stocking last year Santa/my mom brought me (and ONLY me), a space age, battery-operated UV light combo travel case/toothbrush disinfector from the Container Store. Moms. How do they know? (Santa clearly has a list that he checks meticulously. But I digress per usual).

Should it really be so hard, taking all this in, to predict that I would be buying 35 toothbrushes between November 2008 and February 2009? No. It seems obivous in retrospect. I didn’t need Nostradamus to realize I’d be sharing toothbrushes with everyone and their moms. How did I miss this?

Regardless, someone is still using my toothbrush.


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2 Responses to “Math Update: The Ides of January”

  1. R. Benjamin Says:

    I feel special.

  2. A. Christensen Says:

    I have never received a toothbrush from mom and I was sick the entirety of my childhood. I only like one brand of toothbrush that’s why i take the free one from the dentist to work but never use it because it says “Brush. Dr. Glickman is Watching”. I love showing people that it says that. It’s more of a conversation piece really.

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